Dating goodbye

T here are times when a kind of weirdness settles over evangelicalism, when for a while people are swept away by strange and flawed ideas. This usually happens when Christians are attempting to counter ideas that are prevalent outside the church. Instead of reacting in a measured way, we collectively over-react. I think the purity and courtship movements were two examples—or perhaps one example, since they were so closely aligned. You can hardly remember or evaluate either without raising the name Josh Harris. Though he did not found these movements and though he was not their lone voice, he was certainly among their foremost popularizers.


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The homeschooled wunderkind who first made a bang with his New Attitude magazine, triggered a full-out explosion with his debut book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It went on to sell over a million copies and to impact countless lives and relationships.


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But twenty years have passed and a lot has changed since then. Josh got married, began a family, pastored a megachurch, endured some gruelling trials, moved to Vancouver, and pursued graduate studies. And along the way he began to re-evaluate I Kissed Dating Goodbye and its two sequels. He began to grow concerned that his book, though well-intentioned, had caused as much harm as good.

He began to wonder if what he espoused there was wise and, of even greater concern, biblical.

He mapped out a journey or project in which he would listen to people who had been impacted by his work to learn how it had influenced them. He begins by describing some of the recent blowback against the book—mostly people taking advantage of social media to describe how it had negatively impacted them. He sets up Skype calls with a whole list of people to hear their concerns and gather information about how they had benefited or suffered because of his books and the wider purity and courtship movements.

And then he sets out on a journey around North America to speak to a variety of people who were damaged by his book and had spoken against it. There are lots of stories to be told and lots of critiques to be offered. What does he conclude along the way? Some of his conclusions are interesting, though, in retrospect, kind of obvious.

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The book subtly elevated marriage as an ideal state and singleness as something unfortunate and undesirable—a temporary state God meant to resolve. They also spoke of purity as a binary state that depended entirely on virginity. Virgins were pure and those who had lost their virginity or had it stolen from them were impure. And who would want to marry an impure person?


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BUT, when this book teaches that to every person you date you give a portion of your heart, I whole-heartedly disagree! Thus, the natural conclusion is for any thinking teen "I must only date one person! EITHER never allowing yourself to date someone until you know you can marry them which is the real point of dating, isn't it? The fundamental basis for this book is flawed.

My entire generation of Christians have been scared to date and thus struggling to find spouses because of books like this one and "When God Writes Your Love Story. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. There are better books on Christian relationships than Harris' book.

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I was reluctant to write a review until I learned Harris himself is now indirectly involved in a sex scandal that caused him to step down from his pastoral work. I felt some unease about his message, and after I decided one day to google "Josh Harris Sex Scandal", I now I feel compelled to discourage Christians from buying into what he is selling. As I read the book, I thought to myself, "this reads like some kid in high school writing stuff down and who can't think coherently. I knew it was scam book, and at the time of its publication it was the latest rage in some churches.

One zealous loudmouth at church preached it as "God's way" for everyone. He and his girl friend followed it to the letter, evangelized with it for a while until they got divorced 4 years later. Should Christians Kiss dating goodbye? The Bible doesn't give a simple formula for courtship. If anything I've been struck by the variety of ways God unites couples, and sometimes its pretty sordid.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Joshua Harris: eragmapnani.ml: Books

God had Hosea marry a whore, God killed Ezekiel's cherished wife, God united Isaac with Rebecca through a miracle, Jacob fell in love with Rachel's beauty, God had Esther herded into a kings harem, Solomon had wives and concubines, and Ruth spruced herself up and laid down at Boaz's feet while he was about to sleep.

Godly men like Jeremiah and Daniel did not find wives. The unspoken implication of Harris' book is that if one is not happily married, one somehow failed to do things God's way, and God's way is Harris' courtship model. The Bible doesn't really say there is a method, except to say it is ultimately by God's blessing, and to make decisions wisely and not to be yoked with an unbeliever. I taught a Bible study to college age students.

10. I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris apologizes 20 years later

Ironically by the end of the school year the numbers had risen and I had an abundance of year-old girls attending. I expressed my critical view of Harris' book and warned them that God doesn't promise happily ever after. They should simply live a pure life because it pleases God, not because it would land them prince charming as Harris book insinuates. If they do marry, I told them to choose wisely, and that means asking basic questions like -- how many kids do you want, where do you want to live, will you travel for the husband or wife's career, etc.

There is much wiser counsel from other books than Harris' book. At the time I wondered if I was doing the right thing by dissuading them form Harris' book. Now in retrospect, given the divorces of some of his most devoted advocates, I'm glad I suggested other books. This was about 11 years ago before e-harmony came around and Neil Clark Warren had commercialized his work, but Warren's book listed down all the questions people should ask themselves and each other before getting involved. Ben Young's "Ten Commandments of Dating" was very sensible, but Warren's book was the most well conceived based on Warren's decades of private practice in dealing with couples.

This book has helped me through ALOT of relationship pain i reccomend it for anyone who needs to remind themselves why its worth the wait! This is a book all teens should read. See all reviews. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more about Amazon Giveaway.

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